Are you stuck and can’t let go? Maybe all you need is some help, a little nudge in the right direction to get you moving on your way.
When a situation is painful, its grip can be steadfast. You may not be able to pry the cold fingers of guilt or regret from your heart. These feelings may leave you tethered to the past, unable to fully enjoy the present. The injury may be so severe that you keep on revisiting it and simply can’t figure out how to break its hold. You want to. You clearly understand the benefits of moving forward–you just don’t know how.
In a recent #coffeechat #connectovercoffee live video, I offer the first step of a trademarked system called, “The Flip It Formula” I’m featuring in a book I’m excited to be drafting called, The Finkelstein Factor (what to do when things go wrong … because you know they will).
This was the topic of a recent FB LIVE video I hosted which you are welcome to watch here on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks/videos/338518643550571/Not on Facebook? Not a problem. You can catch it on YouTube at https://youtu.be/neNtLS-UV5o
This first critical step in flipping a negative to a positive is one that is often overlooked. However, if you don’t do this one thing, I assure you that you will never be able to let go of the pain and fly high. Profound in its simplicity, this is it …
STEP #1: Acknowledge the loss.The more difficult your situation, the more pain that will be associated with it. Write it down. Give words to it, enunciate it. Let yourself express it, get it out, release it and let it loose. Your losses will be individual to you. What you feel as a loss might not feel like that to someone else.
For example, if you lose a job, your losses may include loss of income, loss of confidence, loss of self-esteem. It may include loss of security, purpose, sense of contribution and worth. Whatever you define it as, if you feel it, it’s real. It’s true. Admit it. Get in touch with the loss and the hurt, as that is the only way you’ll truly be able to step over it and move on.
This dynamic also plays out in your personal life. An example that many people relate to is a couple with one party bringing up painful situations again and again. Now, sometimes, no matter what you do or say, this person will continue doing so. However, there’s a good chance that if you validate what he or she is saying, they may stop. Why? Because they will finally feel like they’ve been heard. They will know that you understand their pain, and in doing so, you will help them release it.
Acknowledge losses for both yourself and other people. If writing an actual list to acknowledge your losses doesn’t work for you, talk it out with a friend, a confidante, a coach or consultant. The deeper you go, the better the odds that you will unearth the real reason why that situation hurt so much. It will bring you understanding and you will now be able to explain your position more readily to others.
It all begins with self-talk.
Let me be clear here, I’m no psychologist. Neither am I a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. I’m a communication consultant and everything I share with you is from the perspective of helping you to forge healthy, productive relationships and communications with others. This begins with your self-talk and understanding yourself better, including managing difficult situations. If you’re having difficulty letting go of one and moving forward, it may be because you’ve skipped over this necessary step of acknowledging the loss.
When someone is in pain, whether that person is you or someone else, give that pain a voice. Acknowledge the loss. And when you do, celebrate the fact that you’re now one step closer to a letting go.
PS: please feel free to share with your colleagues, boss, and clients. Everyone needs communication tips at some point.
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“Marion Grobb Finkelstein, Workplace Communication Consultant, travels across Canada to help business people and organizations communicate in the workplace to get better, faster, easier results. She can help you too. Marion@MarionSpeaks.com 289-969-7691 www.MarionSpeaks.com OPT-IN to Marion’s Workplace Communication Tips enews at www.marionspeaks.com/tips