What I’m about to say may sound harsh, and it’s not meant to. Here it is: when it comes to your communications and your relationships …
…you create your own reality.
It’s the flip side to freedom of choice and it’s called “responsibility”. You have it, every time you communicate with yourself or someone else. That means that you control the way you respond, what you say or don’t say, how you behave, what you look like, your tone and words, and everything you do or say that communicates in any way.
Think about the last time a communication didn’t go that well. What is it that went off the tracks? What was the turning point that took it in the wrong direction?
Usually, there’s a pivotal moment where you initiated or responded that tipped the exchange to the negative.
Maybe you said something that would have been better left unsaid or worded differently. Or perhaps you rolled your eyes or responded to a nasty comment with equal vitriol. Could it be that you have a difficult person in the workplace and find yourself embroiled in conflicts more often than not?
QUESTION: What’s your role in the miscommunication?
As much as you may not like to admit it, you are part of the dysfunctional dance. So how can you change it? The answer is …
1) acknowledge your role
2) learn from it
3) change it
If you’re sitting there whipping yourself for things you said or didn’t, don’t waste the energy.
You’re human. Remind yourself that you do the best you know how, under the circumstances, and with the tools you have at hand. You likely do what feels most comfortable in the short term and may be your default response. Sometimes you may shoot back a sarcastic comment. Other times, you may give the cold shoulder. It might feel good at the moment, just remember that it doesn’t mean it works for everyone. The key is flexibility in, and responsibility for, your communications.
You are best served when you realize that the only thing you can truly control is yourself.
If you want to connect with others, bend your communication style to best suit the others. You’ll discover that this approach may be tough … and it yields the most results. If you don’t like your outcome, change YOUR behaviour, not someone else’s (because you can’t change theirs, even if you wanted to). Thinking that you can change someone else is futile.
I have seen people spend years and tons of energy thinking they could change the way others communicate. They’ve been left with nothing but frustration.
Want results? Change yourself.
That’s the message I really truly believe best serves everyone. In other words, “suck it up, buttercup”. You alone have both the power and the responsibility for creating your own environment, your own reality. You have an impact, and you decide, by your actions, if that impact will be positive or negative.
That could be the best news you hear all day–as long as you put it to action.
© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Until next time, here’s to …
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it::
Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein motivates and teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence, and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for “Marion’s Communication Tips” at www.MarionSpeaks.com